


Stay

by sixtieshairdo



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: Brian is just as vulnerable as anyone else, M/M, Neil is an awesome friend, Sonny doesn't realize how messed up this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-03-04
Packaged: 2017-12-04 07:36:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/708189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sixtieshairdo/pseuds/sixtieshairdo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brian wants what he knows he cannot have.</p>
<p>He keeps wanting, anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay

He believes that everyone’s been through this before.

 

At least once in their life.

 

Because, isn’t it human nature to want the very things we _cannot_ have? Don’t we all realize this at some point in our lives? The very fact that we are not allowed a particular thing makes us want the thing _that much more_.

 

People are rational creatures, right? That’s what we grow up believing anyway.

 

_But_.

 

How do you rationalize _anything_ when desire hits you so hard, you’re drowning in an ocean of want? You ache inside, your hands tremble; the wanting comes in waves, and you are but mere driftwood, floating and crashing to the dancing of the tide.

 

And even when, for the tiniest of moments, you have what you want in your hands – yours to cherish for the slightest fraction of a second – you never fully _have_ it.

 

The sad truth of the matter, Brian thinks, is that we never stop wanting.

 

And we never will.

 

…

 

The problem with Sonny is that he is the type of guy who takes every relationship seriously. He’s in it for the long haul, whether it be with a friend, a lover, or someone in between. And that’s, effectively, what Brian is to Sonny.

 

_Someone in between_.

 

While the sex was all teeth, tongues and sweat, the aftermath has somehow turned into something far more intimate; brown eyes on him, studying him like a textbook, trying to read him while he cleans himself up with a towel or busying himself with finding his discarded boxers.

 

He mostly ignores Sonny’s thoughtful looks, but sometimes, he worries that there might be more heartbreak than he’s ready for in this _thing_ between them.

 

A circle of fingers capture his wrist one day as he was untangling himself from warm limbs. He looks back at mussed up dark hair, those damned irises leaving him a little breathless from surprise.

 

_Yeah?_

_Stay._

 

He sits back down but averts his gaze away from Sonny’s radiant face, focusing instead on the hand holding him captive. His heart skips a hopeful beat before the rational part of his brain kicks in.

 

_Sonny, it’s late._

_It’s Friday night. It’s meant to be late._

_You’ve got an early shift tomorrow._

_I got someone to cover for me. I deserve it, I think._

 

He feels something akin to a shout of joy jolt through him. Fear has already settled into his bones, but the spark of optimism counters that, lining his nerves with painful static. He dares himself to lace his fingers with Sonny’s and finds the sight of their pressed palms far more overwhelming than any of the sex they’ve had. He swallows thickly, before finding words to fill in the void.

 

_You definitely do. So…what’s the plan for the night then?_

 

Sonny grins at him and his world positively lights on fire.

 

…

 

Neil called him an idiot for even _thinking_ of pursuing Sonny, especially after what had happened with Will and Gabi. Brian adjusted his glasses as he flipped through his study notes, pretending to ignore Neil as he rattled on about ethics and friendship and _are-you-out-of-your-freaking-mind-Will-will-kill-you-stupid_.

 

He nonchalantly sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose when Neil finally ended his rant.

 

However, he was more than a little taken aback to see Neil’s usually calm countenance twisted in a grimace. He didn’t expect his interest in Sonny to affect Neil so much. It almost didn’t make any sense since this doesn’t involve Neil one bit.

 

But as much as he wanted to play the heartless Casanova, he’s nowhere as cruel as he’s made himself to be. So he took Neil’s hand, and promised him that he would back off the second Sonny told him to.

 

Neil didn’t look convinced but nodded anyway.

 

…

 

Here’s a fun fact: Sonny _never_ said no.

 

He never told him to back off either.

 

If Brian was honest with himself, he had expected some form of hesitance, or even retaliation, at the very fact that he’d swooped into the coffee house and openly flirted with the object of his interest.

 

He never once believed that Sonny would comply to their mouths making wanton music together, or for their bodies to engage in repeated orgasms.

 

What he believed would be a one-night stand at best, turned into a _thing_ ; something that involved Sonny coming by his apartment as and when he liked, a few formalities exchanged, before carnal hunger overtook the practical med student in him, and he would find himself on his back with the beautiful Sonny Kiriakis straddling him with ease.

 

This _thing_ that developed into Sonny inviting him over to _his_ apartment, intentions clear as day when he was greeted by a conveniently-out-of-shower-Sonny with nothing but a tank top a size too snug, and low-riding sweatpants.

 

He can recall how quickly his hands and teeth got Sonny undressed that night, and how rapidly Sonny needed a shower after he was done with him.

 

One thing he made sure of, though, was that as much as his lust for Sonny overwhelmed him, he wouldn’t ever put himself in a position that compromised his heart.

 

For, as much as he wanted Sonny for himself, he knew that this _thing_ between them must remain purely and utterly sexual for _his_ _own_ sake.

 

Emotional investment would only disappoint when Sonny was finally ready to return to Will.

 

…

 

Brian had taken pains to ensure that Sonny will never get to know him.

 

It wasn’t the best relationship to have with someone you’re head over feet with, but Will and Sonny are like Bonny and Clyde, like Patrick and Spongebob, like Rachel and Ross.

 

They’re the fucking gay Hallmark card version of a love story destined to last despite infinite setbacks.

 

Neil had warned him from embarking on this self-destructive journey, and now he understands why.

 

As the television screen dapples the room with soft lighted patterns, he finds himself seated on the sofa, a blockbuster filling the apartment with meaningless noise. His full attention, however, is on Sonny who leans in to with those big, brown eyes to say,

 

_I swear to God, Thor and Loki have serious repression issues. They might as well fuck each other and get it over and done with. I mean, who are they trying to kid?_

 

Brian smiles, tipping Sonny’s chin up, so that their lips would meet, taking more than a little pleasure at the surprised mewl escaping Sonny’s throat.

 

There was no way that he could come out of this thing with Sonny unscathed.

 

…

 

By the time the movie ends, Sonny was fast asleep against his chest, an arm instinctively thrown across his abdomen. He is wide awake, eyes plastered on the rolling credits, the volume on low so as not to wake Sonny up. He has one arm around Sonny, holding him close, his other hand drawing invisible words on Sonny’s bare skin – writing his true fears and feelings past Sonny’s wrist, up to his elbow, and then past his shoulder where his collarbone peeks. He allows himself a moment of unseen tenderness and pays careful attention to the curves and lines of Sonny’s unguarded face. His thumb traces the rise of Sonny’s cheekbone, down to his jaw, and stops at his chin. When Sonny’s tired eyes flutters open, Brian tells himself to _stay_ , the way Sonny wanted him to, and lets his eyes linger at the dawning light growing in Sonny’s awakening face.

 

A few minutes passed, wrapping him in a false cocoon; his heart feels safe but his legs are touching the ground, ready to run.

 

His chest aches when Sonny leans forward for a kiss, eyes falling close.

 

_Sonny._

 

Eyes blink open, surprised; Sonny pulls back a little.

_Yeah?_

_I don’t think I can do this anymore._

 

Eyebrows raised, distance grows, immediate and cold.

 

_What are you talking about?_

_I can’t do this thing with you anymore. I just…I can’t._

 

Complete detachment now; he misses Sonny’s warmth already.

 

_You waited until_ now _to tell me? Why not?_

 

He doesn’t know how else to put it, so he says it the only way he knows how.

 

_Because I’m falling in love with you._

 

Something crosses Sonny’s face, but it disappears quickly, as realization must have hit him.

 

_Brian, I am…I am so sorry. I didn’t know. Fuck, I shouldn’t have–_

 

Brian shakes his head, a sardonic smile playing on his lips. Neil would be so proud of him.

_There’s nothing to be sorry about. I shouldn’t have allowed it to happen._

 

Guilt settles clearly on Sonny’s face, his eyes wide with helplessness.

_It’s just…I thought you weren’t, that you…God, I’m so sorry Brian._

 

That’s what they were then. _Friends with benefits_.

 

Because _fuck buddies_ was too crude a label.

 

He takes Sonny’s flustered hands in his, and holds them until the trembling stops. He sees fear, guilt, worry flicker back and forth in Sonny’s eyes and something inside his chest winds up so tight, he is almost waiting for it to snap. He is surprised by his next words, never expecting them to emerge past his lips.

 

_Tell me that I stand a chance, Sonny. Tell me that and I’ll stay._

 

He doesn’t know if Sonny has any idea how tragic an expression he carries at those words, but it plucks at his heartstrings, and he forgets to breathe.

 

When the silence drags on too long, he lets Sonny’s hands go, and rubs his palms over his tired face.     

 

…

 

The drive home feels like running into an empty cave and having no one and nothing but your echoing voice to keep you company.

 

…

 

24 hours later and he wants to say,

 

_I miss you. I miss you. I miss you._

Because he finally procured some self-respect, he doesn’t.

 

He just stays in bed all day.

 

…

 

Neil drags him out of his apartment somehow, gives him the biggest of hugs – to his mock chagrin – and tells him, rather forcefully, that everything will be okay.

 

He isn’t convinced but he nods anyway.


End file.
